My husband’s uncle Melvin is at the threshold of death.  Last Friday we made a flying trip to Kansas so that my husband could visit with his Uncle Melvin before the pain medication prevents communication.  My husband has some remarkable uncles whom he loves very much.

Death watches are a surreal experience, aren’t they?  While we were there Melvin’s hospital room was filled with people who love him.   His wife and his children, his siblings and their children, and his friends gathered around Melvin’s bed and said nothing about his impending death.

Outside of the hospital room the conversation was entirely about Melvin’s death.  Not when Melvin would die but why? Melvin was diagnosed with cancer two years ago but it was pneumonia that caused him to be admitted to the hospital two weeks ago. The Dr. says Melvin’s colon ruptured sometime during his hospital stay and  according to the Dr. Melvin is not physically, strong enough to endure the surgery that would repair the ruptured place that is allowing toxic waste to enter his body.

So, Melvin is going to die from toxic shock.

Neither of us can wrap our heads around the situation.  My husband and I talked about it all the way home.  Melvin is alert; his mind is as clear as his beautiful blue eyes.  He’s lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw him and his condition has been weakened by the cancer, the cancer treatments and his recent battle with pneumonia but considering all that he is battling against, at the same time, I see physical strength not weakness.

What do I know, though?  I’m no doctor. And no one else is talking about Melvin’s death with Melvin so I’m sure there’s something in the bigger picture that I just don’t grasp.  Maybe there’s really nothing that can be done.  I know I have a hard time with doing nothing yet sometimes that is exactly what I am called to do (or, not do? ugh. I’m confusing myself now).

I only share the experience with you to explain what caused Dan and I to have a discussion about thresholds and why it took 12 hours to make the 8 hour drive home from Kansas to Texas.

We’re always on the threshold of something, right?  My parents are at the threshold of their 51st year of marriage.  My son, Randy is at the threshold of a new career opportunity.  Dan and I are at the threshold of… oh, if you only knew how many thresholds are currently before Dan and me, as individuals and as a couple. It’s staggering, really.

I had my camera with me as we traveled and talked; the trip and the conversation may be among the most memorable of our marriage.  We talked about the thresholds of life events; when we cross a threshold and become a student, a graduate, a spouse, a parent and when we cross a threshold and experience illness, divorce, wealth, poverty.

We talked about the fact that there are some thresholds that we choose to cross, some we are forced to cross, and some we have no business crossing.  We talked about how we choose which thresholds to cross, how we’ve chosen in the past, and how we want to choose, from now on.  

Inevitably, the conversation about how we make decisions turned to a conversation about our attitudes, belief systems, state of mind.  Because, really, even if we’re forced to cross an undesirable life-event threshold we still have a choice about the attitude thresholds we cross, daily.

The threshold into isolation, for example, could be the fear of being disappointed by a relationship, again.And sometimes we choose to cross the threshold of denial and what is really an outhouse, full of you-know-what, appears to be a place we can abide in peace and harmony.

We even choose to cross dark, emotional, thresholds  that we know will enslave us and prevent access to the life experience we say we want.

And some of us (and I’m admitting nothing here) refuse to cross a threshold that appears to lead nowhere.

Or has too many obstacles in front of it.

Or has no satisfaction guarantee.

No one I know would say that the experience of illness or death or financial loss were the happiest of their lives but most of my friends say that during those difficult times there were unexpected opportunities to cross new and meaningful thresholds of personal growth.  Many would say that it was during the difficult times that they identified and crossed the threshold into their current career or the ministry they serve.  Dan and I are among that group.

58 miles and seven hours into our journey we left Cottonwood Falls, Kansas.  By this time we had covered a whole lot of ground but not much geography and I’m thinking about Deuteronomy 30:19.

“I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore, choose life, that both you and your descendents may live…” Deuteronomy 30:19

As we drove, Dan and I begin listing the life-giving thresholds we choose.

For emotional intimacy we choose the threshold of trust.

For humility we choose the threshold of confession.

For contentment we choose the threshold of gratitude.

For all things we choose the threshold of  prayer and faith.

We made a commitment not to cross any thresholds, either through our actions nor through the meditations of our hearts and minds that tempt us to compromise our principles or our beliefs.

We choose not to be impressed by appearances nor to be trapped by the desire to protect our image.

We choose to live “…as a tree that is planted by the waters, that spreadeth out its roots towards moisture: and it shall not fear when the heat cometh. And the leaf thereof shall be green, and in the time of drought it shall not be solicitous, neither shall it cease at any time to bring forth fruit.” Jeremiah 17:8

And we make no apology.

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